The Wait

She said she hated being pregnant. When the baby was born (C-section), she didn't feel connected to it at all, no big grand all-encompassing love like you always hear about. No natural mother love emanating from her. That instinct just didn't kick in. She felt bad about it. She felt bad, period. Maybe hormones had something to do with it. This went on for months. Her husband took care of the baby. She looked for excuses to be away from the house. She was a hairdresser and she said she gave bad haircuts because she was so upset. She worked as many hours as she could. And then one night, after about eight months, the baby cried. The mother woke up and got a bottle. And her child looked at her, in recognition, like a person, and she fell in love.

Today is about a year later. The baby, she told me, is in every fiber of her being. She loves her husband but she could live without him. But her child, she said, that's another story.