Weepily we roll along

Ach, how embarrassing. We didn't row outside tonight because the gasoline that fuels the coach's boats floated away in the rain and wind over the weekend. I had not been on an erg (rowing machine) since April, I think. I am getting over a cold, reacting to the high mold count in the world nearby, have been anemic for at least a year--pile on, pile on, the excuses, Sando. I'm being tested for a second blood cancer. What else? I am a wimp. In the past I thought that when I was itching a lot from exercising, and I felt weepy, that that was a signal to stop. But I don't know now. It was so very very hard to row hard and quick. Coach B came by a few times to see how I was doing--if I was overheating, getting itchy. I got up at one point and bit a hydroxyzine tablet in half, and swallowed the half. It was just so hard hard to pull and push with my legs, knowing always that I am the slowest person, the weakest person, in the whole group. I swear, once this large, out-of-shape-looking woman came to see what our team was, and she got on the ergs and rowed much faster and harder than I. Tonight it was so tiring so very tiring, it shouldn't be that tiring, should it? And yet how could I complain, when Coach J just did the marathon? Wasn't that hard? The thing is they do these hard things and I don't like to do them. Coach S used to push me push me to keep going and then I would have asthma for three days. But I survived. The whole problem with doing your all is that next time you'll have to do your all again and then some. Better numbers.  At least when we're keeping score. Coach B said to stop if I needed to and I wanted to tell her about the anemia and bone-marrow biopsy but I didn't because what would that fix? They are excuses, perhaps reasons. But I know tonight I wasn't crying because I was overheated or itching. I was crying because it was so difficult, so unpleasant, and so tiring, and I felt so sorry for myself. When I finished Coach J said something encouraging. I feel I am the team's goat. Just the goat. I am the goat.



The boat goat.

S hadn't been able to row for a year and when she came back the other week, she said after practice: You must be getting better because the coaches didn't tell you to slow down your stroke. Personally, I think this is a left-handed compliment. But I am not the worst rower on the team. But close. I have rowed with the novices a couple of times, because I missed a rowing practice with my peers, the masters. We are the masters because of time. I think after a season on the water, one is a master, automatically. So Woody Allen's quip about most of all you need to show up, that's accurate here. You are rewarded for your longevity. For making it through a season. When I was rowing with the novices, I was amazed that so many of them were proficient--much more proficient than I was my first five years. And as proficient as I am now. How could that be? Perhaps they are coordinated. That is a possibility. The mystery, and I can't figure it out, is why I continued to come to practice for eight years, when it wasn't fun for most of that time. At Passover last year S and J asked me about rowing and I told them that I didn't do it to be with the other members of ROW (I like them but have a tendency to feel alienated in general, and I don't do much outside of practice with the team, like go to regattas and such), that I didn't particularly like rowing, and they laughed and asked me why I did it. Like that Jewish joke with this punchline:  It's only a hobby. 
Posture is important while rowing.

6 comments:

Cancer Bitch said...

To read more about rowing machines/ergs:
https://rowsource.com/2015/01/lovehate-relationship-facing-erg/

muskan said...

I have read your article about cancer patients.Very helpful information i found more information of cancer patients.keep it up
donate for cancer patients

JOHNSON KATE said...

As a sign of gratitude for how my wife was saved from CANCER, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
My wife suffered cancer in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because she was my all and the symptoms were terrible, she always complain of abnormal vaginal bleeding, and she always have pain during sexual intercourse. . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure her. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to cancer . I never imagined cancer. has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my wife will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my wife used it and in one months time she was fully okay even up till this moment she is so full of life. cancer. has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098675@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony.

Robert Mary said...


WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are Robert Mary
I’m a citizen of United Kingdom, My younger sister was Sicking of
breast cancer and her name is Robert Jane, I and my family have taking
her to all kind of hospital in UK still yet no good result. I decided
to go to the internet and search for cancer cure so that was how I
find a lady called Sarah peter she was testifies to the world about
the goodness of a herbal man who has the root and half to cure all
kind of disease and the herbal email was there. So I decided to
contact the herbal man for my younger sister help to cure her breast
cancer. I contacted him and told him my problem he told me that I
should not worry that my sister cancer will be cure, he told me that
there is a medicine that he is going to give me that I will cook it
and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how can I
receive the cure that I am in UK, he told me
That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can
transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid
for the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the
courier service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to,
before the week complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a
dream to me not knowing that it was physical I and my family were very
happy about the miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5
million us dollars the herbal man did not accept the offer from my
I should tell the world about him and his miracle he perform so am now
here to tell the world about him if you or your relative is having any
kind of disease that you can't get from the hospital please contact
Dr.ogididanspelltemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp him +2347067393105 for the cure, he will help you out
with the problems.

chirag devansh said...

Thanks to Dr Williams I am so happy today, my wife have been suffering from breast cancer for the past 8 years now, and i have spent a lot on western drugs which has all proved abortive, i have tried all means in life to get my wife out of this , but there was no answer until i decided to try herbal solution and i found Dr Williams online and i contacted him and after she took his medication as instructed, my wife is now completely cure from breast cancer within those week of usage, i am so much happy, thanks to Dr Williams for helping me get my wife life back again without any form of crisis, i promise to tell your name and good deeds to the whole world,if you have someone with cancer you can email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for more information .

SOPHIE LEWIS said...

I am Sophie from Canada, I once suffered from a terrible and Chronic breast cancer ,since 30years now , the doctor told me there was no permanent cure i was given medications to slow down its progress, i constantly felt my health was deteriorating as i constantly go out of breath,and this illness was really terrible especially when am going out with my friends, i have this constant disorder for about 30 years, this was really a terrible illness ,on thin one day that i was going through the internet,and i came across a post of Mrs shelley on how his husband was been cured from colon cancer through the help of Dr Williams herbal product, I contacted this herbal doctor via his email and explain everything to him and make purchase of his product,few days later he sent me the herbal medicine through courier service, when i received the herbal medicine, i used it for 1 months as prescribed by Dr Williams and i was totally cured within those week of usage,on thin now i have not experience any sign or characteristics again . for more information you can email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help