Port Removal Authority

Friday I got the port removed. It was a fairly simple process, but beforehand involved blood testing and much bureaucracy at Fancy Hospital. A very nice physician's assistant did the job. He was very young, also. When the port was put in, I was knocked out (twilight, I think they call it). This time I was wide awake and the area was numbed with shots of lidocaine. I looked away while we talked--about air conditioning, the great heat wave of 1995 (he was in college at the time), and I forgot what else. There was a tech in the room, who wheeled me in and out, and during the operation sat at a computer and drank take-out that appeared to be coffee.

I went alone. I got an MRI earlier in the week, and went alone, too. It becomes routine after a while.

While I was waiting for the port removal I started talking to three women also waiting. I would call them middle-aged, which means 10 years older that oneself. I guess they were early 60s. Two were there for their friend, who had just gotten a port installed, and was told by the chemo nurses that there was something odd about it. She'd come to get it checked out. I asked how long she was going to have chemo and she said, The rest of my life.

Oh. That kind of breast cancer. The kind that spread.

She'd been cancer-free for six years. She said it was a good six years, that she'd traveled to Europe and had other good vacations. When she was going through treatment the first time, she was living with her sister, who had also been diagnosed with breast cancer. Now her sister has cancer in her lungs and adrenal glands. The woman asked me if I had made any great life changes since my diagnosis and I said not really. I told her I'm a writer and am writing about the breast cancer, but that didn't seem like a great change. She said she's accepted that if that's what God wants for her, it's OK. She was at peace with dying. Though neither of us said the word. Her friends were trying to lighten things: Oh, you'll be fine, etc.

But it is a disease that can't be cured, can only be contained at this point.

This is a disease that makes us sisters. I taught at a writing conference over the weekend and a cheery woman came up and shook hands with me vigorously. Someone had pointed me out to her. She was treated for stage 3 breast cancer and is doing well. I couldn't tell if she was writing about it, too. She had a double mastectomy and had gotten smaller breasts, easier to jog, she said. Another woman there said she was meditating for me. Her sister had died of breast cancer, but hadn't been a fighter. I was afraid she was blaming the victim. I don't know what her sister did or didn't do. What would someone have to not do in order to be giving in to the cancer? Refusing treatment would be up there. I don't think her sister refused treatment. In Jerome Groopman's book on hope, he talks about an Orthodox woman who refuses chemo because she saw the breast cancer as God's punishment for adultery. A more senior doctor convinced her to take the treatment, but much time had passed.

L points out that I have a 16 percent chance of recurrence, which is almost the same chance that Anywoman has of getting breast cancer. Except recurrence for me could include "mets"--metastasized cancer. And that is far more serious than what Anyone might get, first time around.

Friday afternoon a doctor I'd never met called to report that the MRI results were fine, and that I didn't need to be tested again until next summer. Here's hoping. As Emily Dickinson said, "Hope is the thing with feathers." And Woody Allen, of course, said, "How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not 'the thing with feathers.' The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich." And I would add, The thing with feathers is the back of a woman I saw in line at the Jewel. Her boyfriend tattooed wings on her shoulder blades. She offered me his business card but I traffic only in tattoos that are temporary.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

keep writing- if its about breast cancer, woody allen or the snow- your writing is truth, and truth is the feathers.

thank you.

sittinbull2 said...

I agree, please keep writing!!!
As if by fate your post was found. It's well after 1am, have to be at the hospital to have my port removed, at 7am (an hour away)and can't sleep. (After taking 2 tylenol pm's plus a muscle relaxer). While do some surfing, googled 'chemo port removal' & found you, some calm for my port.
Mine was put in place & used for treatment 1/3/08 & twice more, today included, it's pulling itself out & is infected at the incision site. Fear being getting into blood stream & you'll know what hitting the fan!
Sure hope the removal is as simple as it sounds, but I was told would be sedated, thankfully right now, sleep!
You have a wonderful attitude & will make it through this with flying colors, by way of your feathers, as wings of hope.

I feel more calm now, so guess going to get back in bed & dream of flying.

You go Bitch,

Sittinbull2

My cancer is left breast also, invasive ductal, node +, her2+, pr+/-?,er+. (Question to all: What's the deal, why is left the most common???) The Chemo is before surgery, not sure what we will do yet, mast. or lump., waiting to see chemo response. But will have all left side nodes removed & follow w/radiation. Then herception for a year.

Can't wait for it to become routine, seems like things just keep changing. Not sure what we'll do after port's out, today had to stop midway & use a regular IV line to finish. What was supposed to take 3 hours tops for treatment, ended up being over 6, long day.

Anonymous said...

You are an idiot for tattooing your head! The message is wrong too, just find something to do with your time that is valuable please.

Anonymous said...

thanks for the words. Spouse got port removed today, i sit in baylor hospital contemplating the journey and the unknown future. But then who us ever knows. She sleeps in front me and i pray to all the spirits to bring her health and peace

cherrydouglas1@yahoo.com said...

thanks for info my port is being removed after 2 1/2 years chemo; radiation; lymphnodes and a lumpectomy. God is good but
i was very apprehensive about the removal but am at ease but thats only for now. i think your words were for me to find comfort in and i did. i too shall continue to educate as many as possible through my personal experience also. I want to be out totally and just wake up & go home; its out patient surgery. good luck & God bless

generic viagra said...

wow I remember in my last job my ex boss fired a coworker just because she have cancer and well some years passed and I get the position of my ex boss and I hire her again because I really how hard it's life when you sick and you need help for almost everything which is not really funny.
Thanks for sharing, excellent post.

Anonymous said...

After a year, my spouse has recovered from chemo the cancer is gone. Needless to say, the port will be removed. This is a miracle from God. Just know that the inter spirit has the will to live then anything is possible. I hope these words has been encouraging to the reader.

Cancer Bitch said...

What is amazing is all the things that are done to the body in the name of Cure, and all the things that do work. The body takes all these insults (insertion of foreign objects, ingestion of poison)and then eventually goes on to do body-things just like before, for years and years.

Unknown said...

WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are David
Clara I’m a citizen of United Kingdom, My younger sister was sicking of
breast cancer and her name is David Sandra I and my family have taking her
to all kind of hospital in UK still yet no good result. I decided to go to
the internet and search for cancer cure so that was how I find a lady
called peter Lizzy she was testifies to the world about the goodness of a
herbal man who has the root and half to cure all kind of disease and the
herbal man email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man for my
younger sister help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him
my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be
cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that
I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how
can I receive the cure that I am in UK, he told me

That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can
transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for
the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier
service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week
complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not
knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the
miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the
herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he
didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him
and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if
you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from
the hospital please contact dr.sakuraspellalter@gmail.com or whatsapp him
+2348110114739 <+234%20811%20011%204739> visit his website
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cure, he will help you out with the
problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me
davidclara223@gmail.com or whatsApp me +1(6)31906022

gurcharan anita said...

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his website http://dredidiaherbalhome.webs.com/

Clara walter said...

I am here to testify on how I was healed from my CANCER DISEASE by DR. IBHAZE the great herbalist, I was having a serious headache though I take treatments the headache never goes off, I was told to go for check-up, I did the result was that I am having the CANCER of the brain, that there is tumor in my brain, I was not myself ever since that day, everything went worse day by day, I was hoping for death, I was told about a great spell caster who can heal any disease in this life, I collected his email which is dribhazeherbalhealingcentre@gmail.com or whatsap +2348136354191 or his website: http://dribhazeherbalhealingcentre.webs.com quickly I emailed him to see if my disease can be healed, he told me that I am at the right place, that I should not bother that everything will be fine, I believed him base on the testimonies I had seen on the internet, he asked me to buy some items which I bought, he cast the spell and told me that there is a herbs medicine that he will prepare and send to me through courier service, my parcel arrived I took the herbs medicine as prescribed by him, I started feeling normal, the headache was gone, he asked to go for check-up, the tumor that was seen in my brain was no more. he also help my friend to cure his KIDNEY DISEASES after i was cure i also introduce my friend to this great man and now my friend is also cure I thank DR. IBHAZE, if you are having serious problem you can contact him via his email which is dredidiaherbalhome@gmail.com or whatsapp his mobile line on +2348136354191. contact him
his website http://dribhazeherbalhealingcentre.webs.com/

Unknown said...

WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are David
Clara I’m a citizen of United Kingdom, My younger sister was sicking of
breast cancer and her name is David Sandra I and my family have taking her
to all kind of hospital in UK still yet no good result. I decided to go to
the internet and search for cancer cure so that was how I find a lady
called peter Lizzy she was testifies to the world about the goodness of a
herbal man who has the root and half to cure all kind of disease and the
herbal man email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man for my
younger sister help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him
my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be
cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that
I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how
can I receive the cure that I am in UK, he told me

That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can
transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for
the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier
service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week
complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not
knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the
miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the
herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he
didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him
and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if
you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from
the hospital please contact dr.sakuraspellalter@gmail.com or whatsapp him
+2348110114739 for the cure, he will help you out with the
problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me
davidclara223@gmail.com or whatsApp me +1845-652-1151

Willson Care said...

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dr.ezomo cure HIV and herpes disease but when I saw it i have it in mind
that he cant cure HIV I just decided to give it a try I contact him that
night luckily to me he replied me, but I dont believe him I thought it was
a scam but I still hold on to see the work of Dr ezomo if he is saying the
truth he ask for some details about me i gave him all he needed and I
waited to see his reply to my problem after all, he told me to go for check
up and I went for HIV test I cant believe I was negative,am so happy and
grateful to God for using Dr ezomo to cure me, that is the reason why i
decided to write this wonderful testimony of our i was cured, i recommend
Dr ezomo to you all around the world,contact him on his Email dr.ezomorootandherbals@gmail.com or you can also reach him through WhatsApp number+2349069171173
dr.ezomo for helping me at this young age if you need help contact,
He can also cure so many sickness
{1}HIV And AIDS
{2}Diabetes
{3}Epilepsy
{4} Blood Cancer
{5} HPV
{6} ALS
{7}herpes

Unknown said...

WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are David
Clara I’m a citizen of United Kingdom, My younger sister was sicking of
breast cancer and her name is David Sandra I and my family have taking her
to all kind of hospital in UK still yet no good result. I decided to go to
the internet and search for cancer cure so that was how I find a lady
called peter Lizzy she was testifies to the world about the goodness of a
herbal man who has the root and half to cure all kind of disease and the
herbal man email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man for my
younger sister help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him
my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be
cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that
I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how
can I receive the cure that I am in UK, he told me

That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can
transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for
the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier
service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week
complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not
knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the
miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the
herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he
didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him
and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if
you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from
the hospital please contact dr.sakuraspellalter@gmail.com or whatsapp him
+2348110114739 for the cure, he will help you out with the
problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me
davidclara223@gmail.com or whatsApp me +1845-652-1151

Vivian Damian said...

my name is vivian damain am from united state of america i have be suiffering from leukemia that is cancer of the blood and i have go to different specialist hospital but nothing seems to avail until i decided to search on the internet to find the cure of blood cancer then i saw a post of a women advertising on a man herbal medicine name Dr ogedegbe on how she was being cure of her breast cancer but when i saw it i make it a try as well and it all went successful. the doctor ask of my location and how the medicine is to be transported to my country and i send him money for the herbal medicine to be transported and after i send him all my details the herbs was sent to me and i took it according to the doctor description and after a weeks later i visited the hospital and i was told that i no longer have blood cancer even the doctor was amazed and i also contacted the herbal doctor and i requested in sending him money but he refused and he requested for one favour that i should help him to desseminate his herbal medicine to all the people out there and right now i am free of leukemia and my advice to you all there is that no matter the disease you are suffering from out there and you have visited so many hospital just to get the cure i most advice, there is a man who can cure you no matter the disease and how many years you have been on it he can still cure you and for you to contact him this is his email account Drogedegbe@yahoo.com /+2348101572895 and for more information about him contact me, this is my email account viviandamian90gmail.com

Franca Maven said...

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2 Hepatitis b
3 Diabetes cure
4 Ringing ear
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7 Get your ex back
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Willson Care said...

Thanks to dr.ezomo for his good work I never believe that ALS has cure, I was ALS over 3 year now before I came across a comment about how
dr.ezomo cure ALS and herpes disease but when I saw it i have it in mind
that he cant cure ALS I just decided to give it a try I contact him that
night luckily to me he replied me, but I dont believe him I thought it was
a scam but I still hold on to see the work of Dr ezomo if he is saying the
truth he ask for some details about me i gave him all he needed and I
waited to see his reply to my problem after all, he told me to go for check
up and I went for HIV test I cant believe I was negative,am so happy and
grateful to God for using Dr ezomo to cure me, that is the reason why i
decided to write this wonderful testimony of our i was cured, i recommend
Dr ezomo to you all around the world,contact him on his Email dr.ezomorootandherbals@gmail.com or you can also reach him through WhatsApp number+2349069171173
dr.ezomo for helping me at this young age if you need help contact,
He can also cure so many sickness

sally jokia said...

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1 cancer cure
2 HPV cure
3 ringing ear
4 herpes cure
5 fabriod
6 HPV cure
7 diabetes cure
8 Get your ex back
9 Hepatitis B
10 Pregnancy herbal medicine